buzz


i tendered. yet still so busy running errands for the family in order to make the parents happy. rush like mad, beg others to help, make myself sound like a bitch. and my bank account is dried after paying all the expenses. excluding ttsh medical bill. i don't wish to think about the bill at this moment.


taking one day at a time. why can't they take things slowly, rushing me like mad. i can't really breathe. kan cheong stupid.

it was his birthday and i decided to get him a present, a micro-hifi. something he wants.

**************************

10May2010

i tot it would be good to document down everything as a diary.. it has spread.. spread to the liver, more areas in the bone and cells in lung have enlarged.. the chemo is not reacting to his condition. he vommitted today, for the first time since it was discovered. we sent him in, again after a lot persuasion.

i did not share the news with mum regarding the spread. we kept it to ourselves. doc says less than a year left. he mentioned since the beginning it was to control and not for cure.

i have only one regret. we have not taken the graduation photo. i felt so bad for being so stubborn. for delaying and dragging. but i finally did sth, mon i brought both of them to make spects at bishan. dad looked happy with the new spects and mum spent so much time choosing something that she liked. they will be ready in a week. at least i did sth.

we mus take a graduation photo. i promise. i will do it.

ps: it will be fine

101...

things to manage.
this and that.
here and there.
his and hers.

dad went in again, this time seems serious. i could nt concentrate @ work today, i was so worried that i sent paul down, i wanted to take UL but he went down to assist.
he could have been inflected. kudos to him for enduring the pain and keeping mum even when i sent paul over to my place to take charge. he endured for the entire afternoon, only decided to be admitted late evening. he's now kept in an isolated room. and mama is currently also having some appointment at ttsh, now i have to ensure she quickly recover so she could take care of pa

i'm so tired. i failed the test. i'm very guilty for not passing it, i can't take dad for all the appointment and i had to trouble uncle who would purposely return from jb to drive him around. i'm sorry dad. money funds required for the practice.

i just the call from citi to confirm and offer me. please. call me. just offer me, i will accept it. i am that desperate. i can't take it anymore at my current place.

a mixture of good and bad news isn't it.

mum's last part time job is ending coming week, no more extra income, which means the entire household falls on me. i need a higher paying job. i really need one. and yes i will go look for a government job, let's give up the idea of trying to venture into the private sector to challenge myself. it's not the right timing to do so. i need stability now.

i'm taking UL tml, if they decided to fire me because i take one UL, go ahead. this department is not worth my contribution.

today is pay day, i never felt so happy and desperate that my pay is in the account. it doesn't used to bother me when is my pay day because i used to have enough saving to keep me happy, spending a little of good food and a little on some pretty new clothes. but now, i am so desperate that i calcualate the expenses to the last dollar so that there's enough for everything at this moment.

i really need medifund to be approved. i finally felt what it meant by working just for money. no longer working for the passion.

i used to be fearful of taking leave, mc, urgent leave, being late at work. recently i gave up, not that i started to go to work late or taking mc frequently, i felt it doesn't matter if i have prefect attendance or i m the most productive.



good bye world, i need to slp before i collapse

2079

1000 - tcm
200 - prudential
300 - mum
50 - food
100 - singtel
100 - singapore power
61 - milk
100 - dad
100 - car

_______________

68 - emergency funds


I AM BEGINNING TO PANIC


i seriously NEED a higher-paid job We have not factor in the Hospital bill. What happen if the funds are not approved? what am i supposed to do?

ONE needle costs $2000+ he needs FOUR sessions + operation + consultation.

black papa

2nd tcm session was good! blackish face/skin/nails is normal for patient undergoing chemo session. swollen leg is one of the side effect hence we shall not worry. dr yeo included skin whitening herbs so that pa will not appear too dark. i paid $215 now. i realised the "pao sheng" + "green tea" pills cost $96, it's rather expensive but i think they are extremely good for health. as long as it's helpful, money can be earned.


on a side note, i think C is gonna employ me BUT S is requesting for my CV. i shall wait for S replies. anyway meeting C's hr on coming thur, will try to drag. though the work location for S is super far, but the benefits would be better, especially the branding.


i really driving. was doing circuits training yesterday and uncle philip was saying good after every section. hohoho! there was a point where he went down to look at mango tree while i was doing the directional change by myself. it's not the first time he leave me alone to practice. he used to go buy food while i practice parking in the multi-story carpark. exam is on thur, should be able to pass. then we can go zoom zoom. i will put buttons in the back seat. also, i may drive dad around for all the consultation. i am soo happy and excited abt getting my license. wish me luck.


best friend is coming to visit dad today. sometimes no action is required, a simple message means everything. thank you. :)


i am cleaning up my room and bags today. If you dare, you may try to use dettol to soak ur LongChamp bag for a good 1hour, pour away the water and soak with bleaching power for another 1 hour then rinse it. Hang it to dry under the sun. afterwhich use an eraser to rub off the dirt if required. it will look brand new again!

it's coming...

pa is beginning to feel tired and his face is turning dark. asked CL, he said due to lost of blood..

we are going to TCM tml. hope all is well. aza

i decided to try citi, hope it will be successful. had 2nd and 3rd round last night. the 3rd round was tough, the HEAD really drained me upside down. what is ur fav subject, why u like numbers, why don't u go become a musician, when was the last time u played music. and the worst question was, "what is ur stand on european nations having one common currency?"

so i told him it's to boost the economy - especially the smaller nations, tourism - as tourist usually would tour Europe, so having one currency would be more conv for tourist, business - trading in one currency would be move conv also.

moreover i could not understand his question cos of his accent! so i had to said, "I'm sorry?" hahaha oops!

towards the end of the interview, i stayed firm and

i cried after the interview downstairs. silly me

today @

1653HOURS: i decided and called him on his mobile phone

2021HOURS: he called me!! omg! he said he would arrange for a manager to call me tml regarding the meetup with HR. i should have called him earlier so that the last interview could be arranged tml immediately. stupid me.



[edited]

pa's leg is swollen, face turned black, getting tired, a little breathless when he talks more than a sentence.

worried, got to call the hosiptal tml.

going to 2nd session of TCM tomorrow..

crossroad




stay or go?

day T-W-O



pa is reacting well to his 1st session, no fever, no vomitting. he is walking faster and feeling less pain. he is also eating more. :)

i have worked out the expenses list for our current spending, allow me to share it with you. In case I reject your date or meetup, I hope you understand that I am going through some tightening of my budget policy now. Notthat I am anti-social, but it's family over friends now. So, sorry that I can no longer dine at expensive restaurant or catch a weekly movie with friends. I'm happy sitting with paul or lying on his tummy racing on our ds lite, or go for a car ride. or the morning / evening stroll with pa along our "long kang".


monthly income (take home):
$1839 + $240 = $2079

I'm sorry if I earn less than an average local graduate but I am happy that the job fits my current suitation, given the flexibility of the schedule. We can't ask for everything in life isn't it. So pardon me if I earn less than you.

monthly expenditure:
TCM bill - $1000 approx
Mum - $300
Milk for pa - $61
Insurance - $200
Singtel - S$100
M1 - $30
SP - $100 approx
HDB - $30
Food @ work - $50 (daily mixed rice lunch cost only $2 haha)
Car - $20 for cleaning/washing + $xxx for petrol (shall see after I pass)

outstanding
so i am left with $188! what a nice figure. If the monthly petrol cost $100, I would have extra $88 for emergency use. Huat ar!


hope we could get 100% funding from MediFund for the treatment otherwise I really have to sell Ms Blackie or go borrow from the bank -aka -loanshark. ocbc easicredit, cash on installment is quite a good product cost it's interest free if i pay ontime and i am only charged a one-time processing fee.

convert me soon and i will get at around $400-500 extra.


*************************

lastly, this is for ms GRACE CHEE ENHUI:

HAPPY belated BIRTHDAY TO YOU!

so sorry that i did not celebrate with you. will take you out for a nice dinner when i am richer.